My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I wish there were birth control emojis
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
