His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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