I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
