Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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