if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
