woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
