she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
