Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
