end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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