All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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