dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
