Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Randomize
