Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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