we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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