I'm pants shitting drunk right now
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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