Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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