Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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