Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
