hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
