at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
