My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
