we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
