So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
foreskin is a definite game changer
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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