i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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