You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
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