It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
