she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
