I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
