didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
