I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
