I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
