he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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