and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
