So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
