Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
