I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
