his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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