Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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