maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
