I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
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