I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
being pregnant is like rehab
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
