Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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