She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
