I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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