oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
