You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
