She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I pour the whiskey from now on
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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