I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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