i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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