Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
