Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
